You just made me feel so damn special
so explain again why im purple
no
her vagine was all disorganized.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
