oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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