I wanna bring you to show and tell
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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