This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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