I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
