My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
