the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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