If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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