Your face is a jimmy john
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize