there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
