Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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