I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
