Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize