youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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