Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
