New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
