Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
