Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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