He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
