You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
