there's paper in my vomit.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
God I need to hump something, right now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize