I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
