we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
