Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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