New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
