1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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