And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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