I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
