note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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