i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
