So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I love you.
Bad choice
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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