I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
