she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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