dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
