im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize