My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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