Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
