i just wanna soil my oats bro
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
