so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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