I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
