Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
time to smoke my breakfast
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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