Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
