So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
