I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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