My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
