you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
