just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
