I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
