The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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