I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
