I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
