Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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