so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
