I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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