Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
