Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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