Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
