Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
