I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
