drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
