ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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