Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
