I must be too annoying 4 u.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
