I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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