It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
