I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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