I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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